A Day in the Life of an Investment Banker (Uncensored)

As a recovering investment banking analyst, I’ve been loving the recent hype over the finance world. From the Robinhood/GameStop drama to the recent HBO show “Industry,” it’s been entertaining to watch some of the widely-accepted bullshit the industry propagates being unpacked publicly. Don’t get me wrong — I also learned a ton of useful skills during my time in the field, but I learned every single one of them the hard way. That’s why I was shocked to see the new UBS promotional video making its rounds on social media, chronicling “A Day in the Life of an Investment Banker.” I have literally never cringed harder.

So…where to begin debunking this absurd piece of corporate propaganda that I can only hope was meant as satire? Let’s dive right in.

First off, Natalie’s walking home in a trench coat with her yoga mat at 7:30pm when her friend calls. Let me tell you, when an analyst has the privilege of heading back home at the reasonable hour of 7:30, the last thing they want to do is fill their best friend in on the thrill of a pitch meeting they cranked out materials for and probably didn’t even attend.

More accurate: Natalie shoves her heels into her oversized tote and hails a cab, where she closes her eyes…